April 2015 - Eurovision Month

Well done everyone on this month, If the task had been to write a comedy song I don't think they'd have been as funny. There must be something comic entrenched in our eurovision experience.

1 Very authentic sounding Euro accents, wouldn't want to be in the bar when they all start singing this one and smashing the plates. The usual high mirth content from Stephen's rhymes - Nein Danke/German banker. Could be a political hot patatas on the night, given greece's precarious fiscal state.

2 Strong start, nicely mixed with effective panning effects, and big beefy drums. Good guitar sounds too. Reminds me of a tv programme I saw about which country in the world has the healthiest diet - i think it was Iceland who eat mainly fish. I can see the band onstage performing this with a vested polish guy doing the histrionic solo at the end, and of course some shapely Polish waitresses showing off their dumplings. Catchy singalong chorus

3 I like the claps, joyous and catchy - good to have hooks in the verse as well as the chorus. Nice change of mood for the middle eight, a relief of space. I enjoyed following the lyrical journey with all the place names foo. Everyone has a different memory of the places. I like the lyrical theme of looking back at the carefree memories of frivolity compared with a preoccupation of ageing, adds a sadness to the jollity.

4 I like the space in this, and you seem to have invented a new genre Electro Reggae. There's an air of mystery, broodingly romantic, like some of your others. Effective use of the 808 style drums, and I like the reggae bass line keeping it grooving along, making a refreshing change of rhythm.

5 I can imaging Phil's rather menacing group performing this, and if you don't dance, they'll put you in the cassoulet. The humorous growl works well on the vocal, and very convincing too, there's surely french blood in the Sanderson house. Effective arrangement with the guitars/drums/accordion all working well together. Nice Key change, straight in no ponceing about. Many thanks for the sleeve notes too. Who'd have thought way on back when we started this songwriter club I'd be looking at pictures of Phil in drag and imagining them cavorting on stage expressing "love". I for one am proud at how far we've come.

7 Great sound effects to start. There's a pleasing Right said Fred-ness about it. Effective euro disco rhumba shuffle, made me laugh, especially the low "come on baby", I can imagine this being an underground hit with the right viral video like ganghams style. I'll be singing the chorus to the teenagers around the village on their phones and see what happens.

8 Funny accent of the guest vocal, again I'm worried if I don't dance the band will put me in the goulash. I loved the taco taco chocolate line. Pretty piano and guitar interlude. It needs the right kind of video like Robs. Catchy chorus as we've come to expect from Eddie. I like the guest vocals, and thanks again for the sleeve notes which helped clear a few things up. Is the Rhapsody a bar somewhere in Loznitsa where you can hear this genre of world music on a nightly basis ?

A strong set of contestants this year Anthea, It's going to be close on the night.

I think this month is as much a question of expectation as anything. So, what do I expect from the Eurovision Song Contest? I expect songs to be divided into one of the following categories: songs derived from folk songs that are usually incomprehensible to most brits; Euro rip-offs of American songs; power ballads with lots of singing full of angst and, lastly; horribly catchy euro-pop.

Many seem to have common elements: catchy sing-along chorus that you can join in with before you’ve finished listening to it for the first time (often making them quite repetitive, like 'we love our dumplings'); a key change; and, not really relevant here, someone easy on the eye to sing.

So I'll try to put aside my prejudice and listen to these songs.

Hey, hey Angela - Stephen Clarke

Oh, straight into ethnic sounding song but some very pleasing lyrics with enough English to let us know what it’s all about (a bit like watching a foreign language TV channel and hearing the smattering of recognisable words). I really love the distant distorted guitar work. Also very impressive is the thought that’s gone into the back story. I would never have imagined to invent a whole country just to write a eurovision song.

We love our dumplings

Well done to Patrick for suggesting the staging of this song. I pretty much saw it as posing guitar player that we try and peer past to see a possible nipple-slip from one of the 'dumpling ladies' as they are wearing low neck tops and the choreography is pretty much arms up and swaying. See last years entry from Poland and you'll get the picture

Musical Chairs - Mike Gosling

A very boppy song which bounces along very nicely. Really well produced, as usual, so it probably represents a much more modern take on eurovision than the one I have in my head. This could easily be a summer hit. The middle 8 seems a bit later than I expected but I love the stop before it launches back into another verse.

You Are a Vision - Colin Parish

This doesn’t fit any of my preconceptions on eurovision. It’s quite a contrast to the other songs, which seem twee in comparison. I like the layers of guitars and the space they’ve been given without getting in each other's way. It is the sort of thing that, having heard it for the first time, my dad would declare it a travesty if the UK’s entry didn’t win. It’s probably more of an album track than a eurovision song. All these comments are good things: I like album tracks, my dad and I hated each other’s music and, I expect eurovision to be a bit of an artistic dessert.

L’Amour - Phil Sanderson

Before listening to it, I am worried about the amount of work Phil has put into this. The pictures seem to indicate Phil has shaved bits of beard off for the different characters. The song is wonderfully bonkers and EXACTLY what I expect from eurovision. It couldn’t be more French! The backing vocals chuntering on are great. I can imagine Phil singing into the microphone wobbling his adam’s apple to get the vibrato. The instrumentation is perfect. A key change too. I think you’ve got the most ‘expected elements’ of anyone and yet, still managed to surprise me.

Some Party and Some Fun - Tim and Glyn

Another invented country in the back story. Brilliant. The euro pop synth is really irritating (exactly what I’d expect) and the whole thing is simple enough to be catchy. I really love the vocals that have been layered. The key change made me laugh. Not sure if you mentioned where Insania is, but it must be very close to Germany.

In The Zone - Patrick Duffin

Is it possible to be a bit too slick to be a proper eurovision song? It slightly reminds me of Flight Of The Conchords (Foux Du Fafa). I love the meaningless ‘I get the….’. Then there’s the switch to the heavy dance beat for the chorus. It’s a really excellent piece of pop. Another summer hit. Perhaps they can use it for the euro referendum in a couple of years. I really like the key change and the guitar plinking away. Just great.

Plinky Plonky Sex - Rob Warner

Really horrible synth sound intro: perfect. Europop drums. All very eurovision. It’s a really good song with some smart lyrics. I think it was a good decision to avoid the German accent. The basic premise seems to bemoan that kid’s these days fiddle with their phones instead of fiddling with each other. I wonder if he should play it to his kids? Probably not.

Bugarian Rhapsody - Eddie Custard

This is strange as it doesn’t seem to quite fit my preconceived eurovsion ideas but it doesn’t sound like it could be anything but eurovsion. I’m not sure if this is your usual drums (which I’m generally not a fan of) but they sound perfect for this. I really love the instrumental break. There’s some great playing in here and the melody is, as usual, very natural. Even though it’s the shortest song here, it quickly gets into your head.

Great idea to suggest Eurovision, Rob. Plenty of silliness here, and some high quality tunes.



Hey, Hey Angela – Stephen Clarke

Another high concept, rib-tickling success - somewhere between ‘Shaddap You Face’ and ‘Rasputin’. You clearly had a lot of fun making this. And you may have invented a new genre with folk rap.

You make the minimalism go a long way thanks to the laughs, the imaginative vocal and the hooting, hollering and whooping of the terrific Greek chorus. The punk guitar is just what’s needed and is nicely played. There are lots of good rhymes as usual, my favourites being ‘austerity/Greek sincerity’, and of ‘quantitive easing/Greek teasing.’ The choice of Furgut Tukumin was a shrewd. I knew his brother Turndakey during the pre-revolution days.

Smart move to bring in the Cossacks from over the border at the end with the hand clapping and the increasing desperation in the voices as they shout Merkl, Merkl, Merkl. A very good start to Eurovision.



We Love Our Dumplings – Tim and Julie

Tim and Julie have the best and battiest middle eight of the month with the list of ingredients for dumplings: ‘Plain flour, baking powder, salt, suet and water.’ They worried in their sleeve notes that some Poles could be offended by such stereotypes and they’re right; my Polish sister-in-law has been cursing them for missing out the pepper. This middle eight has a strong tune and leads expertly back into the chorus. It’s unusual for Tim and Julie to use bridges. There are some spot on harmonies with the ooos, and the usual humour in the lyrics, describing the cuisine of different countries. ‘The strapping Germans love sauerkraut, cabbage is what it’s all about.’
Tim’s skill in switching between lead work and rhythm guitar is evident again. I really like the twin guitar work near the end when both instruments are giving it some welly but don’t get in each other’s way. Joe does a good job on the bass. The whole thing made me think of flower power and Woodstock for some reason. A tasty recipe.



Musical Chairs - Mike Gosling

A pop song that fizzes with energy right from the beginning, and the momentum holds up throughout – it’s almost like one long chorus. There’s a zinger of a middle eight. As with Tim and Glyn’s there’s a lesson for all of us in the way that bit contrasts so well with the section immediately before it. The organ sounds good and the reduced instrumentation at this point adds to the drama.

The handclaps and backing vocals are inventive and are key parts of the mix – they give the song a bright, summery feel that exerts a powerful grip. I also like the prominence of the bass.

Sur le pont, what went wrong? is a nice line, and I like the title of the song too. You’ve nailed the production again with a really good combination of instruments and singing.

It has more the feel of the 60s or 70s rather than the 50s, I had images of those American cartoon series – The Osmonds maybe. Nice one, Mike – very enjoyable.



Colin Parish – You are a …

What a great opening line: ‘When I first saw you, you were soaking wet…’ Then it’s tailgated by a very good bass riff and the trademark jangling guitar. It’s a love song with a mysterious feel because of the minor chords, subdued vocal and twisty, bendy sounds. I like the pun of Eurovision/you are a vision, which neatly enables you to sidestep any further links or resemblance to typical Eurovision songs. I like the imagery here; the bit about the allure of the pilot in the white shirt is strong. Eurovision songs tend to be a bit chirpier than this, although a death metal tune did win a few years ago so the rules are not hard and fast. The one-note guitar solo is a treat – and beach romances are always welcome. Good work.



L’Amour – Phil Sanderson

Sacre bleu, a glorious three minutes from Europhil – the nuttiest thing I’ve heard in a long while. It made me howl with laughter.

This dark romance, set against the crime-ridden fleshpots of Marseille, would trample all over the competition if it was allowed in the real Eurovision, as long as Phil’s horrifying backing band were kept out of camera shot. Judging by the photo of Great Aunt Elsie I’m not sure that she and Harry Hill have ever been seen in the same room.

Well done to Phil for producing a song in another language that will enable most GSCE speakers of French to get at least a flavour of what it’s about. The French backing choir is one of the trump cards in this escapade. Their role is beautifully ill-defined; on occasions Phil orchestrates them to sing coherently, but at other times they seem to have free rein to chat among themselves in the middle of the verses.

Wonderful chorus, as was the case with What Does Your Heart Tell You Now? last month. It’s full of desperation and twisted love, and carries the sort of danger you’d expect given that at least two of the band have been behind bars. (I don’t know if Phil himself has done porridge).

The accordion works to excellent effect. It’s got tinges of the Santa Claus song. I pieced together some of the lyrics but not the finer details, so the exact nature of this romance is out of my reach. It appears to be a tale of obsessive love, perhaps inspired by true events involving Mechant Michel’s gang larging it in the south of France – egged on by ringleader Phil. The mystery adds to the enjoyment. I don’t know how you do it - this is another huge triumph. Magnifique.



Some Party and Some Fun – Tim and Glyn

A homoerotic masterclass from Tim and Glyn – on first listen I was tapping my toes, on the second I was singing along, and by the third I was dressed as a traffic cop.

The Giorgio Moroder disco beat is superb. A sparkling chorus is lit up by the ‘head in the clouds and feet on the ground’ words, and there is some naughtiness elsewhere; ‘You make me small, you make me big’ is a tantalising line, and the lead singer (is it Tim?) sounds like Boris Karloff in his Dracula/Frankenstein roles when he says: ‘I want you now, can’t you hear me call?’ and in the section: ‘I want some food, I want some treat, I want a burger, I want some meat.’

That late key change is slightly bizarre, and inspired. Tim and Glyn have produced some very good stuff that has gone unrewarded over the last six months. Thanks to the excellent chorus and throbbing dance vibes, I think this is close to the top of the pile. The high-pitched backing vocals are marvellous at the 1.30 mark and beyond.

Daft as a brush, and brilliant too.



Patrick Duffin – In the (Euro) Zone

A marvellous Europop chorus with a terrific thudding drum and bass. Before that there’s a verse stuffed with ideas like the call and response boom boom/changalangalang vocal and the distant sound to the ‘I’m in the zone’ line. You’re very good at using these sorts of embellishments.

Unusual in that it celebrates Anglo/French unity; avoiding a common theme this month of laughing at foreigners.

The song reminds me of your gem from the artwork month, In Springtime. There’s a great easing off for the line at the end of the chorus for the surprise chords of ‘you’re never gonna wanna go home’, which has some neat echo effects and is a great counterpoint to the preceding bit of the chorus. This all leads us nicely back to the verse.

As a feelgood anthem this is hard to beat. Clubbers would respond well to the line: ‘If you feel your head is spinning it’s because you know we’re winning in the zone’. And I picture them performing the actions of the chorus when they are told to put their hands up in the sky. I really like the very end, which hangs in the air.

It’s a jewel, and up there with your very best.



Plinky Plonky Sex – Rob Warner

I wish you’d done the German accent but it doesn’t matter too much, this is an excellent follow up to last month’s outstanding song. There’s a good start with the sound of texting and a joyous Europop beat to follow. The chorus is really good: ‘Plinky plonky sex, show me how you flex’ is funny and excellently delivered. There are other funny lyrics, especially the bit about playing a blinder and going on Grindr (if I understood it right).

The second reference to burgers this month appears in the first verse, although it’s somewhat less sexual that the one in T and G’s.

I like that line with the deep-voiced plea of ‘come on baby, no more text’, which is a neat place to finish. Well done – this is another good one.



Mine:

One of the band members had the rather unpleasant idea of doing a song called ‘Save Your Missus For Me’, but we opted for the more family friendly effort that appears here. There’s not much to say about it really, other than I’m glad it’s over.

Greetings from Vienna - I've just rushed out of last minute rehearsals for the big show tonight to bring you my comments - apologies for their brevity.

Slobonia - the lyrics (well rhymes really) are brilliant (also the financial ones are a highlight). "Onassis" / "Tax their a(s)es" is a particular pleasure. Musically, some Queen "We Will Rock You" drums would have been a nice addition to get the crowd on their feet. The "Merkel, Merkel" is great, followed by some really good clapping. I've booked my Easyjet flight from Luton and I'm looking forward to exploring your mysterious country.

Poland - Some nice bluesy guitar in the verses and The Dumpling chorus is very good. As other have mentioned, the middle 8 is inspired - who would have thought of reading from Delia's How to Cook book would work so well (as a Norwich City fan I wholly approve of your choice of dumpling recipe). The 70's sound is difficult to place, for me Peter Frampton comes to mind. The flights to Warsaw were a little more pricey than expected, so I may wait until the euphoria surrounding this year's Polish entry has subsided.

Coventry - I didn't know that The Specials has been instrumental in achieving independence for Coventry, so this slice of early 80's reggae from the two-tone stable came as a very pleasant surprise. I preferred the clean guitar sound (with plenty of reverb) to the distorted guitar and would have like a few more studio tricks to achieve the dub sound. Definitely a very listenable entry and well worth the return fare on the National Express (the stopover in Milton Keynes was a bit annoying as there is even less to do there than there is in Coventry - whoops, scrub that).

France - I've just caught up with a programme about Chanson Francaise and I can tell you that with the exception of "Je t'aime" this is by far the best song I've heard sung in French. Honestly, the French really struggle in the face of all that Anglo-Saxon pop and rock and it's great to hear EuroPhil delivering a real contender for the French. The accordion and violin are excellent as are the Ooh la las, key change, ba ba bas and the ending. Outstanding stuff. My experience driving to France using the Eurotunnel hasn't always been the best so I may opt for the Eurostar train this time around. Is Marseille anywhere near Paris?

Germany - Crikey, that's is a frightening keyboard and drum sound followed up by a frankly worrying lead vocalist. The "pleasure" to be had here is in some fantastic lyrics about "sharing Kindles" and eating meat, meat and more meat. "I want you now" is delivered in a truly threatening manner, but hey, Germany is in the ascendant and that optimism is displayed throughout. I really don't think Germany care whether they get any votes, they are just have a great time. The price of the flights to Hamburg was horrendous, so following in the steps of our Liverpudlian heroes, we are going to get the ferry from a little known point on the East coast called Harwich. Hope you can join me.

Switzerland - The Swiss usually don't bother with such trifles as Eurovision, so it was great to here that they had hired a proper songwriter from England to help them out this year and boy has it paid off. Outstanding production - the amount of work that has gone into this arrangement is truly impressive and with Federesque precision the Swiss team have pulled it off. I love all the great vocal hooks, the use of auto-tune to achieve the Cher effect, the key change to the funky guitar section, and the whole end section. My question is, why didn't United Kingdom select this songwriter for our entry. Of course Switzerland is notoriously expensive and I'm trying to make my Cappuccino last a little longer as at 10 euros a pop I think I might run out of money before the trip is over. 

Sweden - Stockholm seems to be the new home of electronic pop and it's no surprise to hear this song coming from their beautiful country by way of a very cheesy keyboard sound. It truly is a horrible sound and as with most Eurovision entries designed to be instantly memorable and (3 minutes later) instantly forgettable. "Come on baby, no more text" is definite highlight and I'm sure whoever got to sing that line will be rewarded with a whole song next year. I'm thinking about taking a different route to Sweden; I may get the free from Harwich to Denmark and then go and pay homage to some of my favourite TV programmes of the past few years (I hope I don't break down on The Bridge over to Sweden).

Bulgaria - And so to our last entry and a fantastically authentic sounding Bulgar makes a bid for glory. The borrowed banjo (Mumford and sons were doing their Gentlemen of the Road tour in Bulgaria recently and reported a number of instruments being mislaid) and the guitar are excellent throughout. The chorus is far too catchy for the Bulgarian traditionalists however and I think that next year's entry will see a backlash (I myself prefer the Bulgarian Radio State choir singing Polegnalae Todora - I'm not joking). My Eurorail ticket allowed me to travel quite cheaply to a number of European countries last summer and I was able to enjoy some of your beautiful countryside and folk customs. I'm also hoping that the Bulgarian entry tonight will feature some national dress as I feel this is an aspect of Eurovision that shouldn't be lost as the modernisers gain a grip across Europe.

I wish you a very pleasant Eurovision evening and hope we can all meet up after the show to Have A Party and maybe Have Some Fun.

Keep watching and checking back. I don't think I will wait until the REAL results to reveal our results.

Here are the results of the Bulgarian Jury

For those of you who can't see the results, Patrick has taken a commanding 10 point lead after two rounds with Phil in second. Stephen, Rob and Mike make up the next three places. Null points? So far there's only one competitor with that particular accolade and that's Eddie but it's early days.

Wow. It's tight at the top! Phil S takes the lead two points ahead of Patrick. Rob is one point further back. Tim & Glyn have come into contention with 8 points from the Slobonian panel.

Here are .gif versions of the rounds so far for those having difficulty seeing the .PDFs

OK. The votes for round 5 from the French panel. Good Evening, France

Bonsoir Colchester!
First I must say how much I love your show. You are truly beautiful. Marseilles loves Colchester.
The people of France have voted under the watchful eye of 'Le Mileau de Marseilles'

Round 7 results

I'm taking a break because there's finally some good music on Eurovision...the interval act!!

So, after 8 rounds of voting, Phil is now 12 points in front. Rob is chasing him down and Eddie, who was struggling initially, is now only a point behind him.

Okay. The votes are in from the German jury.

Penultimate round that could decide the winner of SWC Eurovision 2015. This from our latest jury...

The Jury was up all night arguing about this vote - so after about 18 cups of
coffee (for us teetotallers), the vote is finally in: